Do You Ever Find Yourself Asking Why Today's Kids Have Changed So Much?

Well…there is no short answer because there are multiple factors. The first one is the fact that we have changed as individuals and as a society. Think back to how things were when “children used to listen.” How far back do you go? Do you go back to the 40s and 50s? Do you go back to the 70s and 80s? When did children seem to stop listening? Is it because they are on screens now more than ever? (And they aren’t the only ones.) Is it because it’s hotter outside than it used to be, so we resort to screen time? Does it have to do with family situations? All of these can factor into why children don’t seem to listen as well as they used to. 

Work VS School

Let’s tackle how things have changed as a society. In my training for becoming a parenting coach, the reading list had roughly thirteen books on it. Therefore, I can’t recall exactly which book went over how, before mandatory schooling, children generally worked on the farm, around the house, in local businesses, or something along these lines. Children had jobs, and if they didn’t listen and pay attention, they could be seriously injured. This contributed to child labor laws, but that’s the topic for another article. The fact that for roughly fifty years, children were allowed to be children meant that they could develop differently than the children before them.   

I do know from my almost 15 years of being a high school teacher that many students began working at a young age to help their families in their family businesses, especially after economic downturns. However, for most children, for many years (I’d say roughly 1970 to early 2000), a kid’s job was to go to school and earn grades that were good enough to get them into college, a trade school, or at least just graduate. Side note from a former teacher: Not every student who walks across the stage is graduating. Some receive certificates of completion that come in the same folder as a diploma. 

Anyway, along with school becoming more of a focus, parents have become busier and busier. Some of my former students were often late to the first period because their parents were up and gone before the crack of dawn, and it was my student’s job to take care of their siblings by getting them up, ready for, and off to school. In other cases, they had to feed their sibling(s) dinner and help get them ready for bed because the parent(s) worked late. In rarer cases, they had to do both because a single parent was working two jobs. Meanwhile, many of their friends were living easier lives, and these students had to struggle with the internal conflict of their situation. Some handled it better than others, but their focus was not on what we thought it should be. 

Moms Back Then vs Moms Now

Another factor that we can discuss is what is happening in families. When women changed, so did their children because the children lost their role model of dutiful wife. I’m not saying that it is the fault of women wanting more independence, it’s just a natural thing that had to happen that had an unintended effect. Another change in families was the increase in single parents and/or the addition of new spouses. Because of this, families feel less connected to each other. Some kids are rebelling, and some are struggling silently. There are also plenty of families who co-parent nicely and have no problems, but those children aren’t usually the ones we find ourselves asking why they don’t listen. 

Screen Time

One thing that has become prevalent in almost every household is the increase in screen time. I can’t tell you how many times I have told my children that their mom (and her siblings) had to share the one TV in the house with their parents. Very rarely did I have a say in what we watched. It wasn’t until roughly late middle school/early high school that I had a TV in my room. Our gaming systems were in the living room. My husband did have a Nintendo Gameboy that was his personal entertainment device, but no one in the house of my younger years had that. I asked my brother, and he said he had multiple versions of the Gameboy system, but that was after he, our sister, and his mom moved away. I definitely did not have a cell phone until I went to college, and that phone only made limited calls and even fewer text messages. I did not have a cell phone that was unlimited until  I was pregnant with my oldest son.  

Nowadays, some kids have multiple personal devices, like tablets, phones, Nintendo Switches, etc. I can’t tell you how many kids on a phone or tablet I’ve passed in the grocery store. I will admit to letting my screen time control go a little lax over the summer. I’ve been paying for it with my younger son, who absolutely HATES being bored. I have utilized Google Home to turn off the internet to various devices throughout the house so that my children are forced to get off their electronics and do something else. My older son has adapted well, but my younger son has struggled. Even so, the struggle has gone from a meltdown when it cut off to an “aw man!” Progress is progress.  

Why am I doing this? For years, the American Association of Pediatrics recommended no more than 2 hours of screen time a day, and I was trying to work toward this. However, they have since updated their recommendations. According to The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, though, it should be one hour of non-academic screen time during the week and no more than three on the weekends. Plus, being bored builds imagination, problem-solving, and creativity (Mayo Clinic). Our kids need to learn to entertain themselves. This may mean we have to put up with whining and complaining. It might also mean we have to help them with that creativity by playing games like I Spy with My Little Eye, the Question Game, or looking around the room of a doctor’s office to see what you can count. I have compiled a list of games here to help if you need it.  

I’m not trying to convince you to pressure you into reducing screen time, but I will give you the facts of what I have found. According to this study on the Effects of Excessive Screen Time on Child Development, “Children's heavy reliance on screen media has raised serious public health issues since it might harm their cognitive, linguistic, and social-emotional growth.” It also says, “Screens can improve education and learning; however, too much time spent in front of a screen and multitasking with other media has been related to worse executive functioning and academic performance.” As a former teacher and current substitute at my county schools, I can say that teachers utilize screens in the classroom. There are programs like iReady reading and math that make a game of learning math and give practice reading passages and answering questions. It can be great for giving practice to proficient students while the teacher works on a more one-to-one basis with those who need more intensive help. I know that back in the day before we had Chromebooks in schools, we were told (and told our students, depending on your age) to read a book. These programs are a good way for teachers to help students who don’t like reading books. The downside is that some teachers become overly reliant on them.    

Another issue with the screens is what we as parents do in front of our kids. Think about how many times you were on your phone, and your kid(s) walked up to you, and you talked to them while still keeping your eyes on your phone. I’ll be honest, I’ve done it. I’m not the only one, according to this CNN article. Even this research study by the Pew Research Center says, “When asked if they spend too much, too little or not enough time on their phone, more than half of parents overall (56%) say they spend too much time on their smartphone, while about seven-in-ten (68%) say they are at least sometimes distracted by their phone when spending time with their children.” 

The Pew Research study also agrees that parenting is harder than it was 20 years ago. “When asked whether parenting is harder, easier, or about the same as it was 20 years ago, larger shares of parents (66%) – which includes those who have at least one child under the age of 18 – say they believe it is harder today for most parents.” The study is seven pages long with plenty of scrolling. If you are going to scroll on something, I recommend this as opposed to mindless social media scrolling. 

Anyhow, I think this post has gotten more than long enough, so I will end it here. Parenting can be hard, but if you would like to talk about parenting the kids of today, you can contact me at famhdcbyay@gmail.com, on Facebook, Bluesky or Instagram.

Thank you if you made it through this entire post. <3